Ohh wow.

Definitely the best work by you so far !

This was a nice brisk read and i enjoyed it thoroughly.

I really liked the ending a lot......somehow... thats always the toughest part to do.

Well written.

Wow, I dunno whether to like this or love this.
The ending is so perfect so unexpected, after reading the last line I'm lol "whoa" thats harsh, but perfect.

This poem flowed amazingly well and the emotion was definantly thriving. And the imagery....imagery was perfect it kept my thoughts on queue. I am most impressed wtih the flow though, I basically sang through it.

then the ending, oh the ending
Great poem!

I think this is my favorite of the poetry I've read by you thus far. Short, but very packed with emotion, imagery and action. It starts off like a dream, or a nightmare that echoes the feelings you get when you're around that special someone.

I can definitely identify...

The one person I sought I felt a variety of emotions for, from burning, to ecstacy, to anger, resentment, and the compulsion to hit him many times with a heavy blunt object.

But..let's hope you don't get that way

"A not so gentle reminder
More of the sledgehammer variety"
incredible..
Brilliance is not born throuh our minds but through the words we speak... i feel our words come from a different part of us that we tend not to speak of..our souls, soul poetry sal, thats what this is.
incredible work

Hmm, this is something I can readily relate to. Fire is hungry, and it consumes.

Good poem, it's clear, flows easily, and ever so simple

oh yeah, this is why you got on my devwatch. A poem about hunger which feeds you. You begin the hunt and she stands ready. Very creative. I like that.

For something that is "an experiment" it is very good..You should definatly experiment some more,you are a good poet...Keep posting poetry,and I'll keep commenting...



-ralyn

Hey, I like this a lot. It vaguely reminds me of a Roethke poem- “I knew a woman”, I think. I’ll have to look that up in a while. I’ll type it up and send it to you, if you’re interested.
I like the sort of orderly structure of the stanzas in contrast to that last, isolated line. It has an effect of conveying the power of the speaker's "You" (though I'm assuming from your description "She lingers in every thought..." that this isn't a fictional speaker) in disrupting the otherwise natural rhythm/order of his life. Maybe I read too much into that, but that's what it brings to my mind.
I love the "unromantic" metaphor between the lover's desire and hunger. It tends to strip away all that Petrarchan flowery nonsense found in a lot of love poetry and express the simplicity of an instinct for connection, something subconscious yet overwhelming. I think much of the poem's appeal (to me, at least) lies within this element.
I also think that this metaphor is explored fairly well. I think the flow of the poem has a slight effect of building up to that last stanza. As the lover's "hunger" is described to the reader the speaker seems to be overcome with the desire these thoughts provoke, right around the line "I can't go on like this", and the sentences of the poem seem to get more expressive- "I must find you, hunt you / And there you are". I like that. However, I do think that the metrics and formatting of those last 7 or so lines work against this effect. A lot of those lines have drag (a.k.a. falling lines), and the few that slightly advance/rise, like "It threatens to destroy my reality" are a bit lengthy, which detracts from any effect of energy or distraught feeling (as one would expect from a desiring lover in such a state) they would otherwise convey. With regards to the formatting, I think end-stopped lines (line breaks at natural or grammatical pauses) are suitable for the rest of the poem, but having at least a few run on lines in those last 7 would create pull and add to the expected emotion of the speaker. For mainly the reasons just mentioned, the rhythm maintains the calm order (maybe even sluggishness) of the first 3 and a half stanzas. If you'd like specific suggestions for improving the rhythm and structure of that last bit (I understand I can be a bit vague and use too much jargon sometimes) just send me a note or something.
I might also suggest (as a very minor thing) that a few of lines could be improved, specifically "A not so gentle reminder / More of the sledgehammer variety". That just seems a bit awkward and out of place. Such a visual image to convey to force of the lover's desire is exactly what you want here, but perhaps you could play around with it and find something more suitable, or even just phrase that image a little more smoothly or clearly. Maybe that's just my weird taste in imagery. Either way, it's a minor thing.
I'd definitely say this is good writing. Very impressive stuff. The concept behind the work is a sound one, and I think you've presented it with a great deal of talent. I'm certainly going to try and read more of your poetry over the (wahoo) four-day weekend.

*grins* had to come back and read it again.

Sounds like someone who's drunk in love. Pretty good as it is. Well done!